


Slow Thaw

by nelfes



Category: Tales of the Abyss
Genre: F/F, mentions of one-sided tear/legretta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 08:56:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17846348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nelfes/pseuds/nelfes
Summary: Natalia may have seen into the hidden places inside Tear but just as surely she had given something up for that privilege.She found she did not mind.





	Slow Thaw

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AyuOhseki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AyuOhseki/gifts).



> I was very excited to have you as my giftee, Ayu as I have always found you to be a delightful person! I loved all your prompts but the "elegant snowfall" got me running and, well, I think the result shows it has been sometime since I have played Abyss but I very much enjoyed writing it and I hope you do reading it.

Luke had always had a strange magnetism to him. It was true …even after his kidnapping; after all, how else could Natalia explain his sudden camaraderie with Duke Fabre’s newest servant boy?  

(He had insisted with great vehemence that their friendship was not in fact a ploy for attention from her or either of their fathers, and after all this time she accepted this really, but she could not help asking _why_.)

_(Why not her.)_

Seeing him return to Batical with one of Malkuth’s top soldiers and two emissaries of Daath in tow was another thing entirely. It was the two from Daath that worried her most. At least, Luke knew to be wary of the man titled The Necromancer but he was far too lax with the women in his group. The younger was the most abhorrent in her attempts to entrap Luke with her honeyed words only to turn around and barrage Natalia with vulgarities such that she had never heard even from soldiers!

Even so, it was the hymnist who concerned Natalia the most.

“Tear has issues.” Luke had pronounced loudly when Natalia had inquired as to her reasons for journeying with them. “She thinks Master Van is a traitor! But don’t worry, as long as I’m ambassador she’s not going to do anything fishy.”

Natalia had felt her face heat up because that was not what she had meant at all. Truthfully, she had her own doubts about the Dorian General and Luke’s blind trust in him. Still, to turn a blade against one’s kin…

“Think what you’d like,” Tear replied softly without slowing her tread as she descended one of the Abandon Factory’s metal bridges. “I take responsibility for involving the Duke’s son in all this but I will not be stopped in my task.”

She was determined, Natalia could give her that. The woman’s cause, however, remained unclear. As someone from Daath – much less, a fonist under Grand Maestro Mohs, Natalia had expected single minded adherence to the theocratic hierarchy. Her antagonism toward Van proved that incorrect.

Tear was as cool and precise in her reading of the Score to a foreign king as she was entering any skirmish. Her training and reflexes were unlike anything Natalia had ever seen. She could not help but wonder as two years her senior what had motivated her to take up arms?

As lovely as her fonic hymns were, Natalia could find no answer in them. As the Princess of Kimlasca she had learned what it meant to put duty before self, but Natalia’s duty had always been to the betterment of her country. It was the satellite she continued to rely upon even during Luke’s disappearance.

Tear spoke as little of her motivation as possible and the rest of her personal details, besides her connection to Van remained shrouded in mystery.

Fellow seventh fonist or not, she simply could not understand her.

-

She could admire her, however. As dedicated as she was to whatever task Mohs had given her she never lost her compassion. She was like night and day the moments on the battlefield when she would switch from expertly wielding her dagger and stave to taking the rear guard where she would lay a hand upon the Colonel and with a word his skin would knit together again.

Healers and seventh fonists they both were but the space Tear inhabited as she sang “croix ryo tsae”, casting Force Field on the party still weary from their trek through the desert was somewhere entirely different from her usual manner as a soldier.

Healing was just another part of the Lanvaldear style to Natalia.  Her archery specialized in dealing the most damage with the least amount of enemy reach. Similarly, her fonic artes focused on maximizing the amount or regeneration possible in a human body at one time. The concentration required changed little even as she switched from offensive to defensive.

Tear shone when she sang Yulia’s hymns with a particular radiance. Nowhere did she seem as comfortable as in the place she went deep within to bring those songs to the surface.

Natalia first saw into the heart of that place when the God General Legretta halted their progress through Deos Path. Tear’s eyes shone with feeling even as she stood her ground. “I cannot return to you,” she said and Natalia wondered if that was her way of saying goodbye.

Even her untrained ear could note a hint of sadness in her songs after that encounter.

-

Natalia had been given plenty of time to dwell on everything she had learned since Akzeriuth since she and Ion had been taken to Daath. She still had hope that perhaps the god generals would relent, but her thoughts turned to other matters as she and Ion tried to keep occupied.

“Had you known about Yulia City and the Grants siblings prior to this, Fon Master?”

Ion had tilted his head, hand resting on his chin. “Yes,” he said eventually. “It is not uncommon for people from Yulia City to enroll in the Order though their origins are kept hidden from most.”

Natalia nodded and thanked him. It made sense from the little that Tear has shared with them before they had returned to the Outer Lands. Only those aware of the Closed Score or the descendants of Yulia would have lived in the Qliphoth in the first place.

But Tear, unlike her brother, had shown anger at the Score and its cruel prediction.

There was more going underneath the surface of Tears Grants than she had first assumed.

-

The maids had never said it outright, but Natalia had heard the whispers.

_I mean consider. He’s no Duke Fabre but have you seen how the king treats his maid?_

  _She certainly looks nothing like the late Queen, that’s for sure._

It had not registered at first in her young mind but she remembers preparing for a ceremony beside Luke (Asch, she reminds herself as she has had to of late). The maids fussed over his hair and she had laughed at the frustrated expression on his face. One had turned to her, lips turned up, and even then Natalia could tell well enough if a smile were true or a fake.

“Mistress Natalia, your hair is nothing like the Fabres. It always just curls back up, doesn’t it? How fortunate for you.”

She had let it slide off her as a princess should and embraced it instead as a compliment. There were plenty palace servants she trusted, after all; and they told her such internal squabbles were normal. There were other more pressing problems and beside she and Luke had promised to change Kimlasca bit by bit.

Hearing it from Mohs, as abhorrent as he was to her now, made those words hold power again. It was all too clear that inside her still lived that fragile young thing playing at princess. As it turned out, that was all she had ever been, and in the weeks after coming to Chesedonia her world seemed to shrink to those two words:  “false princess”. Even in Belkend she could only bring herself to focus once they came face to face with Van himself.

Before this journey prioritizing had been a strength of hers, but as they rested for the moment at Guy’s advice she can feel the weariness overtaking her. Their priority now was to quiet the planet’s core and cease the pointless conflict between Kimlasca and Malkuth but suddenly her place in it all seemed muddled.

She had sat on the inn’s bed for a long time staring out into the evening before she realized Tear had entered the room. She joined Natalia on the bed, speaking softly so as not to wake the sleeping Anise.

“How are you holding up?”

The words Natalia had repeated each time since their escape from Baticul rose up in her throat, but seeing how carefully Tear perched on the bed and her aura of gentle worry she failed to even manage that small white lie. “I… I’m not sure,” she said and let the quiet of the room comfort her lack of resolve.

“I have been meaning to ask you the same thing myself, actually. I know I examined you after the Zao Ruins but I thought maybe it was time to try again after what the Uniceros said.”

Tear seemed to consider the suggestion for a moment, but eventually she shook her head. Natalia felt the ticklish sensation as one of her long locks brushed her cheek and considered that this was the closest they had ever been. The quiet of the room seemed suddenly intimate.

“That’s kind, Natalia.” Tear smiled and it showed that the words were not mere courtesy. She truly thought well of her. “But I think I just need to rest early tonight. Unless…”

“Yes?”

“Unless there is anything more you need from me.”

Natalia’s lips parted, but no sound came out. Tear waited for her response in the ponderous, almost meditative way she had to her. Time seemed to slow down for them then and Natalia considered the difference between want and need.

“Just stay,” Natalia whispered. “Stay here with me like this for a moment?”

She had not asked for Tear to sing for her, because her company was more than enough but she found herself nodding off to a lullaby of some kind all the same.

-

She noted Luke almost immediately when he followed her in Sheridan. Somehow, it seemed a good thing he was there to hear the promise from ten years ago even if her clinging to it had only hurt him in the end. She meant to apologize on the way back to the inn but before she could catch up to him she noted Tear speaking with him.

Her expression as she reassured him was soft in the way it sometimes was after the two practiced hyperresonance together. At first the activity had led Natalia to feel an altogether confusing jealousy, but she noted that as close as the two had become Tear seemed somehow regretful after each training session. Natalia had seen that wistful look in her eyes only a few choice moments before.

It was the first time she understood that perhaps it was not only her that looked at Luke from time to time and saw another person there.

Still, perhaps that was disingenuous of her. Watching Tear as closely as she had since their travels began she knew the kindness she held, nearly hidden as close as she kept it – and her care for Luke was as true as her attention to Natalia had been that night.  Regardless of what manner of affection those two shared, Natalia was glad for it.

“Thank you for looking after him.”

Tear gasped and made a high pitched noise of alarm and Natalia had to cover her laughter with a hand. The red glow to the younger woman’s face was only slightly hidden by her defeated posture. Natalia put a hand on Tear’s shoulder and she finally raised her head.

“I really did not hear much – oh, what am I saying I just scolded Luke for eavesdropping and here I am making excuses…”

Natalia did laugh this time and the sound of it seemed to bring Tear around. She brushed the hair out of her eyes and hesitated as her fingers met with Natalia’s on her shoulder.

“Please don’t apologize. You were both worried for me – really, I appreciate it.”

It may have just been the light of the rising sun reflected in the other’s eyes but the warm of Tear’s gaze as she smiled took Natalia’s breath away. Her fingers curled on Tear’s shoulder and, slowly, she drew them back.

“You are truly strong, Natalia,” Tear said and for the first time Natalia wondered how it was _she_ had seen her as all this time.

-

Natalia did not miss the shaking of Tear’s hands as she thrust aside Luke and his request to go back for Hencken and Cathy. Her demeanor seemed cold but was nothing compared to the ice she had seen in Legretta’s eyes as she stood across from her and nearly took a bullet for her effort.

Then, like now, Tear had gripped her daggers but had been unable to move.

“I was too harsh on him, wasn’t I?” Tear asked her later as they waited in one of the Tartarus’s many chambers for Jade to call for them.

“No,” Natalia said and shook her head. “You said what you needed to.”

 _What you’ve been taught_.

Her stance seemed somehow more pained in that moment than all the times she had sat waiting for her blood fonon results or when under Natalia’s touch she would flinch away, the seventh fonons from her Cure too much to bear.

Tear had tried to persuade Van once, Natalia remembered. She and Legretta had never had that chance.

“Did you, and please do not force yourself to speak – but you, you loved her did you not?”

As delicate as she had tried to be in her speech Tear crumpled beneath the weight of Natalia’s words. This time it was Natalia who stayed by her side as the other wept. Natalia did not hear her sobs but even as they sat back to back she felt Tear’s body shake. She wondered how long it had taken to train herself to cry in silence.

They did not speak the following morning on their way to rejoin the others but Tear regarded her, eyes only slightly red and she felt something different in her gaze. Natalia may have seen into the hidden places inside Tear but just as surely she had given something of herself up for that privilege.

She found she did not mind.

-

The first time they arrived in Keterburg Natalia had thought it amusing how taken Tear seemed with the snowy scenery. Now, as she watched two children play alongside their snowball machine she realized that growing up in the Qliphoth the change of seasons was a luxury the would have not had.

Natalia realized now how much more growing she needed in order to properly represent Kimlasca. But growing up too fast, that was something she would like to avoid. Once the children’s parents had come to usher them home Natalia bent down to create her own imperfect snowball.

“Natalia? Are you not headed to the inn?”

The familiar voice broke her concentration and startled, she nearly lost her balance as Tear came into view. Just when she had been thinking of her too! The snowball fell apart in her hands as she caught herself, fingers digging into a thin sheet of ice. Tear rushed over to help her up.

“Were you looking for me?” Natalia asked, feeling breathless as she pushed her sodden hair out of her eyes.

“Luke mentioned you were here,” Tear answered. “Everyone else has already headed inside. Nephry said a cold wind is coming, so I thought I should find you.”

Tear’s arms were still on Natalia’s shoulders and she shivered. Her friend seemed to take that as an indication to fuss so she drew her closer and led the way back to their room. Natalia chuckled. How could she have ever thought Tear to be as distant and cold as she first appeared?

“Are you sure you aren’t coming down with something?”

Tear took both their gloves off as soon as they entered the Inn and touched Natalia’s forehead. She leaned into the warmth and closed her eyes. If she was catching something, it certainly had been a long time coming.

“Not at all,” she said, taking Tear’s other hand, “I was just thinking how very fortunate I am to have met you.”

Tear did not shy away at the rough sensation as Natalia’s bow hand came to rest on her bare wrist. Instead she licked her lips, still red from the cold, and nodded.

“That is… it’s the same for me as well. I am glad you will be with me when we go to the Gate tomorrow.”

Natalia loosened her grip and she felt the staccato beat of Tear's pulse as she dropped her hand, but not before pressing her knuckles to her mouth in a chaste kiss.

“Of course. As long as you need me.”

It was a different oath then the one she had sworn with Luke or Asch. She renewed it again hands clasped with Tear's at a meeting between Yulia City and Kimlasca;

then, in Tear’s bedroom before their second visit to the Absorption Gate

and again in the Glorious Land of Eldrant after striking Legretta down. The woman’s final words had been of love.

So too in Tataroo Valley as they stood side by side in honor of Luke’s Coming of Age.

“Sing,” Natalia pleaded with a squeeze. “Your songs give life.”


End file.
